It's October

 It's been almost two years since I hugged you.  I watched the doorbell videos of October 3 and 4 on these days wanting to hear  you, see  you.  I miss you every single day and wish so badly I'd refused to help you move out.  You would have been forced to stay living at home and you'd still be here.  Probably still fighting with you about those dang blender bottles.  I picture you standing in front of the fridge a lot when I go in the kitchen.  I try to keep to good memories, but sometimes I remember that night.  It tears me apart that all the video and phone calls I have are after you started using meth. 

I do have some video from your home video cameras and you were talking to this guy.  I can't really hear what is being said but the cadence of your speech is normal so I like to listen to it.  Kind of like hearing you talk from another room or something.  You even laugh and I love that part.  

My heart aches for you.

Caesar, Poop and Nero all miss you.  

We are going to come see you on the 17, 18 and 19th.  I will try to find some new music you'd have loved.  There is some cool stuff out there.  

I love you bubba.  You were such an important part of my life.  I'm always gonna be a little bit lost without you.

Mommy